


difficult as you make it

by kaljara



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Literally there is no plot this was just stuck in my head, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaljara/pseuds/kaljara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I won't say it."</p><p>Adam had figured as much. Ronan didn't want to say anything that would incriminate himself, and Adam couldn't find words at all. What a pair they were...</p>
            </blockquote>





	difficult as you make it

"I won't say it."

The words are held between gritted teeth and hard, flashing eyes, and Adam thinks that maybe, maybe these are the dice Ronan's been rolling around in his hands for so long. Maybe he'll finally let them fly. Or maybe this is where he folds his deck and never looks Adam in the eye again.

Adam is caught between laughter and tears, an odd, unsatisfying place to be. He's staring at Ronan like the sun is about to explode above their heads into a cataclysmic mess and Ronan is the last thing wants to see. He's trying to catch his breath but it's such a hard thing to do when there was no air in his lungs to begin with. He aches. There are no words for this, as they stand there in one of pastures that belongs to the Barns. The impossible tree beside them has Ronan's initials carved sloppily into the side, done by a younger hand. Perhaps a hand that had never grabbed a gearshift or the neck of a beer bottle. Adam aches. It's like the memories of this place are eating at him, consuming him from the inside out, and they're not even his to hold. He can't even fathom how Ronan must feel.

It is hard to be present in a place that is rooted so firmly in the past.

But he has to be. They both have be. Because this moment has unwound itself so suddenly, and it is the present. Adam won't pretend he can brush off Ronan's words wryly and continue walking with him side by side into oblivion. He can't take this lightly, because everything has been building up to this, and he owes more to Ronan Lynch than indecision.

Adam aches, and when he looks at Ronan, really looks at him, the world implodes. He has been asking himself so often _what do you want, Adam?_ And the answer changes with his moods, swells into something magnificent or horrid depending on the hour. But here it is, the real answer, caught in the outline of Ronan's profile against the sunlight, bitter sharp. Here it is wedged in between Ronan's lips, resting against his cheekbones with his thick dark lashes. Here it is carved into every fiber of the boy in front of him. It's the answer he's been searching for, though it is only another question: _How would it feel to be loved by this boy?_

"You don't have to say anything," Adam finally breathes, and the air around them flashes incandescent. "I already know."

There's nothing hidden here, in this moment--just blatant honesty and the overwhelming hope that it will be well received.

Ronan doesn't move, but Adam does. Just a step forward, and then another, and another, until his breath is ghosting Ronan's face and they are nose to nose. It's terrifying for a moment until he presses his lips to Ronan's gently, because even though they've had their rough patches, this deserves the utmost gentleness.

Kissing Ronan Lynch is not at all how Adam imagined it. In his dreams--those leftover moments he has that aren't occupied with work or school or Cabeswater--Ronan isn't soft. Nothing about him could be deemed malleable. The Ronan in Adam's dreams is sharp as a serrated knife, and smug, licking into Adam's mouth with fire curling around his tongue. That Ronan's hands tug hard on Adam's hair and his lips pull back from his teeth savagely when he breaks off their kiss. And that Ronan always kisses him first.

Adam should have known his imagination would be as untrustworthy as anything created in this godforsaken town.

Ronan is tentative, slotting his mouth against Adam's like he's trying so very hard to not break this. Trying very hard to salvage all his unsaid words in this one action. Adam coaxes Ronan along, cupping his jaw in both of his hands and letting their chests nearly touch. _Don't you break this_ , Adam tells himself, begs himself, as Ronan pulls back and stares at him with hooded, unfocused eyes. There is nothing sharp there, for once.

Adam has sanded away Ronan Lynch's edges for one blissful moment. Ronan's cheeks are  
flushed, but he doesn't look away. Adam _can't_ look away. He is surprised at himself, and more surprised at how simple it was. There isn't any fighting or goading, no words laced with poison and suggestion. Just this. Simple.

Adam has no idea what to do with simple. And that realization loosens something in him until he is grinning so hard his cheeks hurt, until he feels like his lungs will burst in his chest from containing his giddy laughter. Simple. For just one moment, they are two boys holding one another in a field, the sun starting to set behind them.

Ronan's eyebrows furrow and his mouth twists fondly, not quite a smirk but something closely related that makes Adam think, _oh_. And then they are kissing again, slotting together with the fumbling and awkwardness that Adam has expected, and welcomes. He knows things can't always be like this. But for a moment, he forfeits their quest and his past and his role as Cabeswater's magician and lets Ronan hold on to him. For a moment, he allows himself to have this.

Simple.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this two months ago and debated on whether or not it would ever see the light of day. It was supposed to have a plot. It doesn't have a plot. Strangely, I'm not sorry.


End file.
